Zeroes Reborned ...

It's been a year since I've written. So why suddenly the resurfacing of kuey?

Thanks for Otto, referred to many as a hero for his courageous coming out. (Hence, my title...) I guess this was something which affected me enough that I had to write about it. Or I would just bottle it up inside. Again.

At one level, I do admire him for coming, something that I've been unable to do, at least not to his extent. Being a fellow teacher, I certainly understand the double life that we lead, the constant I-must-be-a-good-example-to-my-students-and-i-have-to-lead-a-double-
life-or-at-least-a-secret-one feeling, the fear that not only will my career will go down the drain but that I would make front page news (on The New Paper, no less) for "GAY TEACHER CORRUPTING YOUNG BOYS!!!"

At one level, I try to make excuses for myself. He's in (the more understanding) Raffles Institution, and I'm in a typical neighborhood school. I've got more to lose, I tell myself - he's only a teacher but I'm a HOD.

Excuses, excuses...

This episode has triggered other thoughts, some already simmering for a while. How long more do I want to stay with MOE? There's much in the existing system that I'm unhappy about, the usual that you hear about when you talk to any teacher. But on top of that, now I'm asking myself how long more I want to stay with an organisation that forces me to constantly hide myself, check what I say and do, distance myself from my colleagues (to avoid the "oh when can we see your girlfriend" or the "show us a photo of her). Something which every other colleague can "out" themselves as straight automatically and unthinkingly everyday. I want to be able to put a photo of my boyfriend on the computer screen, too.

So, there. Thanks Otto.